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June 9, 2010

Inflatable Mayhem

Filed under: kids — jen @ 12:16 pm

12 kids. Giant inflatable toys. Sugar. Let the games begin!

I never thought I’d be one of those moms who plans a big party for her child at some overpriced novelty kids’ party place. Turns out, I am.

Tess recently celebrated her big (pre) ”05″ at an indoor inflatable jump/climb/slide place. I thought it would be great - I didn’t have to do anything, not even watch over the kids because they had people to do that for me. All I had to do was greet the parents’ who dropped off their kids – who left a little too quickly in my book – and hand them over to the lovely staff for 2 hours of wear-them-out-go-to-bed-early fun.

They made the kids watch a safety video first, you know, because a five year-old’s who’s distracted by colorful playthings will certainly pay attention, and then they were ushered into a magical room filled with inflatable castles they could climb in, bounce in and slide down until their little bodies couldn’t take it anymore.

For the most part, it went well. I sat with my sister and a couple of moms who chose to stay and watched the kids squeal and run with delight. We tried to chat, but the loud music playing – you know how the little ones love them some  Jay-Z – made it a little hard to have an intelligible conversation. Mostly we screamed at each other while pretending we could hear what the other was saying and nodded a lot.

It was fun to watch Jack. With his dad’s help, he made it up what had to be an incredibly scary, tall ladder and slid down a giant rubber slide by himself.  At the bottom of the slide he just laid there, stunned, I think. It reminded me of Randy in “A Christmas Story”: Randy lay there like a slug, it was his only defense.

After 45 minutes, the kids were ushered into another room – this one with a rock climbing wall.

Rock climbing

Here's my girl on her way to the top of Mt. Holy Crap They Let Little Kids Do This!

This room was odd. There was a Cozy Coupe car with a broken wheel (2 kids toppled over, only 1 cried). Inflatable houses wherein you had to squeeze through a tiny space only to drop into another tiny space. We lost 1 girl for about 5 minutes in there. She had no idea how to get out. My sister climbed in to save her, bless her heart. Lots of plastic/rubber burns on the kids’ elbows from trying to stop themselves at the bottom of the slides, but no serious injuries to report.

Then it was off for pizza (not included in price of fun), cupcakes (homemade, decorated with my cool frosting tip and placed on a cupcake tree) and presents. The best part was eavesdropping on the kids’ conversations. Lots of serious talk about their respective pets, what they got Tess for her birthday, and the pros and cons of pepperoni pizza.

The inflatable crown was hers to keep. The chair, sadly, was not.

Tess was the perfect little hostess. She played with each child and even helped the smaller ones when they had a hard time climbing around. She passed out the goody bags as her friends left and thanked them all for coming.

And just like that, it was over. The parents started to file in just as Max and I were shoving the uneaten pizza – no teeth marks? Take it! - into a box so we could have it for dinner. (What can I say, I’m cheap.) We loaded the car up with Barbie dolls and toddler make-up (I don’t have that much, jeesh) and headed home. She had a lot of fun and that’s really all that matters. Oh, and the kids went to bed an hour early, so it was totally worth it.

My parties growing up consisted of homemade cakes with hard sugar decorations that you really shouldn’t eat and cousins and the one neighbor girl who smelled funny. There were adults wandering around accidentally popping balloons with their lit cigarettes and then my mom shooing us outside for a little peace and quiet. I remember all of them – I could probably tell you what gifts I got for every single one of them. I hope Tess looks back on her parties as fondly as I do.

June 4, 2010

Pickle Me This, Batman

Filed under: Martini Recipes — jen @ 7:56 am

Yesterday Tess & Jack were jumping around and playing, having a great time. I was very proud of them – they’re getting to the point where they actually want to play with each other, which takes some pressure off me to try and come up with games everyone can play. This is why we had a second child, you know, to relieve the pressure.

So Jack jumps up and accidentally bumps Tess. She turns to him and says, “You. . . pickle. . . dick!”

It took me a second to process what I just heard and wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. Do I point out that this word she used is naughty, or just ignore it? I know it’s just her putting funny words together, but sometimes naughty words are funny too. Until they are screamed at full volume in a crowded grocery store. When Jack repeated it, however, I had to address it.

“Tess, where did you hear that word?”  I have never said that. Not my style.

“Nowhere. It just rhymes.”

“Oh, okay. Well, let’s try not to say that again, okay? Try another rhyme.”  Thank Pete she didn’t ask why.

Meanwhile, Jack is running around the house squealing “Pickle Dick!” and laughing like a maniac. This is my life.

Mint-Cucumber Mojitos

  • 1 lime, quartered
  • 2 sprigs fresh mint leaves
  • 1 tablespoon white sugar
  • 2 slices cucumber
  • 6 cubes ice, or as needed
  • 2 ounces white rum (such as Bacardi®)
  • 4 fluid ounces club soda
  • Squeeze the lime quarters into a highball glass, and drop the limes into the glass. Add the mint leaves and sugar. Muddle well with the back of a spoon or with a muddler. Place the cucumber slices into the glass, and fill with ice cubes. Pour in the rum, then top off with club soda. Stir gently and serve.

    June 2, 2010

    Stormy Weather

    Filed under: Random — jen @ 10:11 pm

    Time to forget about watching your regularly scheduled programming! That’s right, kiddies, it’s severe weather time here in the Heartland. A time when the local meteorologists start to get all tingly because they’re going to see more airtime than Michael Jordan’s shoes (sooo lame, I know). Beach ball sized hail! Flash floods! TORNADOES! The word “literally” being tossed about as if people actually knew how to use it correctly! “It is literally raining cats and dogs out here, Jim.” Nope, it’s not. There are no poodles clogging up my gutters or downspouts that I can see.

    You see, we take weather very seriously here in the Midwest. Or at least, those people who A) live in trailer homes, B) believe everything they see on t.v., C) have seen the movie “Twister” way too many times.

    We live on the very Northernmost tip of “Tornado Alley.” We have a fair amount of tornadoes (please don’t call them twisters) but not as many as Oklahoma or Kansas. And, since the majority of my state is flat, tumbleweed wasteland (no offense, Nebraska) the tornadoes that do hit don’t really damage any personal property or people. Except for the big one in 1975. My mom was 6 months pregnant with me and luckily, she managed to stay safe (so I can’t use the tornado victim cop-out or PTSD for my many issues).

    When I was in elementary school, we used to have tornado drills. I think the kids still do, but I think they’ve updated the drill since I was bangin’. Tornado Drills went a little something like this: I believe some type of bell or siren would go off and we would stand up next to our desks and file out in a straight line row by row. The poor son of a bitch who sat in the very last seat had the task of opening all the windows before he/she made their way down to the hallway in the basement. Once there, we basically curled up in the fetal position and made sure our heads were covered. Much like a typical afternoon for me now.

    Let me say that again: the elementary aged student was forced to stay in the room alone and open the glass plated windows. That’s right. It was the belief at the time that the pressure caused by a tornado would blow out all the windows if they were closed, therefore, it would minimize damage if the windows were open. Can you spot what’s wrong with this picture?

    A child, one who still cried for his or her mommy when they had a bad dream, one who probably still picked his or her nose and wiped it anywhere but on a Kleenex, was told to stay behind in a roomful of glass, at least a floor above the safety of a basement and open windows that would be destroyed by a tornado regardless if they were open or not. I mean, if a tornado is that close – close enough to blow out windows – odds are the building is probably going to have more serious damage than just broken glass. Now, I’ve never even seen the cover of a Physics textbook, but that’s a pretty safe assumption I think. Thank Pete for alphabetical seating charts and all the Williamses of the world. I believe that part of the drill has now been changed. No more opening windows for little Johnny.

    But see, the weather people around here are constantly interrupting us with severe weather reports, so I just can’t take it seriously anymore. Growing up, I used to stand on the porch with my dad during storms and watch the rain and debris wash down our street. I used to run out in the middle of a hail storm to grab a really big hail stone just so I could store it in the freezer. (That could actually explain a few things, now that I think about it.)  The only thing I ever worried about was that all the rabbits and raccoons and deer and birds around our neighborhood were safe.

    Maybe that’s why I’m not afraid of storms. My parents never made a big deal of it. I mean, they never put us in harm’s way or anything, but it’s not something to get worked up about, really. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. No matter how many times you interrupt your own news program to bring me breaking weather news, I will not panic. I will not give in to your hype. I will enjoy the rain and the lightning. I will tell my kids that thunder is just the sound of angels bowling in heaven.

    Until I hear those emergency sirens and the power goes out, I will stand on my porch and watch the rain run down my street and check my gutters for domesticated animals.

    My God - Kenny Rogers really IS the Gorton's Fisherman!

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