I love this time of year. Everyone capitalizes on the season. For instance:
Febreeze has a “Limited Edition” collection. Really? Your job is to cover up stink. That’s it. It makes no difference if my bathroom smells like “Winter Evening” or “Winterberry” or “Original.” I just don’t want it to smell like wet towels and dirty socks. I’m not going to buy your stupid new scent in the hope that 25 years from now, I can sell it on ebay for $200 because it was a limited edition. Unless it’s signed by Mr. Febreeze and there were only 100 cans made, don’t call it a limited edition.
Coffee Mate: Peppermint Mocha. I heart you, I really do. Eggnog? Nope. You can’t mix Eggnog with coffee. Again, just because Christmas is coming up doesn’t mean you need to cram Christmasy-themed flavors into CREAMER. Salami and cheese trays are big around Christmas time too, maybe that could be your next flavor. Or glazed ham. Simmer down, coffeemates.
Coca Cola: Limited edition Coke cans. You put Santa on your can. I see where you’re going with it, but I think you need to expand on that. Maybe the Hanukkah Armadillo (Friends? Anyone?). It doesn’t matter, because I’m going to jam it into my recycling bin anyway. I’m not going to put it in an air-tight container and display it next to my Grandma’s Hummel figurines.
Ritz crackers: see above.
Please, stop calling your overpriced goods “Limited Editions.” If I can’t cash you in to pay for my daughter’s college tuition, you’re just another non-perishable item I will donate in the spring to her school’s food drive.
