So I listen to “Delilah” at night when I’m in the shower, because it’s mindless and it’s nice to hear an adult’s voice occasionally. (Don’t get all creepy; I know how that might read.) If you’re not familiar with her, she’s got a very soothing voice and all these very sad people call in or write to her to complain about their sad lives or celebrate their latest marriage to “the one.” They request songs that fit their situation or ask her to pick one for them. She usually plays “Wind Beneath My Wings” or some Bon Jovi song from the 90s.
Anyhoo, so I’m shampooing my hair, and she’s reading a letter from a guy and I swear to you, he starts off with, “I’m a single dad and I’m extremely unattractive and very poor. . . I want to meet a woman so my daughter doesn’t think I’m a loser. . . “. It got even more pathetic, but I was laughing so hard, I almost fell & hit my head.
So, here’s to you, extremely unattractive and very poor dad, just listen to Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen” a couple hundred times and keep buying those lottery tickets. But your daughter will probably always think you’re a loser, so here’s a martini recipe just for you (non alcoholic, you don’t need a drinking problem on top of everything else):
Ugly Bug
1 shot prune juice
1 shot grapefruit juice
1 shot pineapple juice
1 shot orange juice
Mix together in a jug, chill well in refrigerator & serve in a wine glass, to make yourself feel elegant.
P.S.: Congrats to my friend Michelle over at The Giblogger on the arrival of little Gia. What a kick ass birthday – 90210! I heart you Donna Martin!
